What about your children, your husband, your parents and friends, everyone you are contacted with everyday of your life? What do you say to teachers, acquaintances and neighbors? Would you have already talked to God? Would you ask Him why, or ask Him for strength? How would you stay strong and hopeful in the eyes of your children and what if you have kids that are too young to understand and old enough that you don't want them to worry. I don't want pity or sorrow from others. I also don't want to use health issues as an excuse, a "woe me" story. I just want this to go away! But at the same time, I want people to understand why I'm not feeling like talking, why I've forgotten to send piano lesson and lunch money, why my child has missed choir practice and trying to keep up with my youngest. People don't STOP and think, what if this lady might be going through something or having a hard time. If you forget something or don't do what someone thinks you should, they're automatically and immediately judging and condescending. When you see or talk to someone who is seemingly rude, short or irritating, anything that you just don't like, PLEASE remember that you NEVER know what in the world God is allowing that person to walk through...
Each and every doctor's appointment, testing, medicine, restrictions, etc. are an everyday obstacle to climb over and those are the obstacles that are sometimes easiest. I find myself becoming devoured in fear and anticipation. So excuse the crap out of me if I don't answer you right away, forget to send in that darn check or my child's hair isn't brushed! Excuse me if I have no make up on and I'm sporting the Medusa look! I obviously don't answer to you and while I'm looking like I belong in the jungle, I am TRYING to be patient with God and praying to get out of something you just don't understand. And when someone rambles on about their absolutely wonderful fortune, exciting vacation and proud announcements of their life, believe me, I am happy for them. But, I'm not going to jump in excitement, that is very hard to do. I have to realize that not everyone knows there is something wrong with someone else, its almost like they "just don't know any better".
But I'm also frustrated! Its not that I don't care, I just can't right now. And I HATE hearing about other people's little complaints and instigations, scuffles and childish dramatizations with other people. I don't want everyone to know everything going on with me, but then I want to SCREAM to these people, "HEY! Your trivial crap and drama are so minuscule and a waste of time! Spend your life caring for things of utmost importance!"
Of course, as human nature I ask myself why. My talks with God have been expression of concern and worry, praying for a solution and overall positive ending. Time races by then painfully slows. Does your mind run wild and crazy when thinking and pondering on the possibilities of serious illness that you may never get out of? Who will care for your children?; no one the way you do, as a Mother, of course. What will your Husband do, if he loses his wife? Do you need to make a plan, legalize documents, inform the children... What do you do?